Learning 11# Embracing Conflict for Growth: Reflections on Love and Compassion

 There are a couple of authors (e.g. John Paul Lederach) who believe conflict is not evil, on the contrary it is needed to grow individually but also as a group or community. Maybe if we learn to see conflict as our friend instead of our foe things would be different. 

A conflict, if its doesn't become destructive, could lead to improvement. Think about examples with friends or family, there are conflicts and from those conflicts we adapt and improve our relationship. Without those conflicts things will remain the same and we will not evolve.

The problem is that conflict causes tension and stress and physically we can even feel afraid.  I don't think this can change,  but if we are conscious about this, we could take a breath, try to relax, go for a walk and then tell ourselves: "How can this situation improve our relationship?,  probably the issue came because our relationship was missing something: trust, honesty, understanding of our needs.  What can we do now so that our relationship grows? 

A couple of doubts come to my mind, the first one: "well if the other person changes then our relationship will be better".  But then I am faced with the question  how to let this person know and at the same time make sure we improve what we have? I read somewhere that people can't change so telling them what to change even if the other part is open might bring us into a fight:

 "You should be more honest"

 "Are you kidding me? If I am honest you always get angry"

It seems that before telling someone something we first need to listen to each other and together find a way to improve our relationship.  If we focus on the relationship then we might find ways or processes to improve our future collaboration. 

The second doubt is what if I don't want to have a relationship with this person(s),  maybe it a stranger that you will see only once.  I guess in that case you just need to solve the issue at hand and that's it. 

My main takeaway is that for any of this to happen you really need to focus on compassion and love. Why would I like to improve my relationship? I am ok the way I am, I have other friends, those people I only see them at work,  I see my familiy once a year, etc. Shifting our mind seems to require too much work and we might become vulnerable.  I have no answer that makes sense to everyone, so I can only write and leave it to you to reflect on their own and to find what is best for you with a quote to consider:

"Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love. " - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Thx for reading.







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